


Shadows and ashes

by HearMeRoar (IndigoM)



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Asshai (ASoIaF), Dark Jon Snow, Descent into Madness, Desperation, Drama, F/M, Guilt, Jon Snow knows only one thing, Love/Hate, Magic, No hero Jon Snow, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, Resurrection, Revenge, Shadowlands, he loves Daenerys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:48:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25746154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndigoM/pseuds/HearMeRoar
Summary: This is not a story about noble houses, kings and queens. It's not about heroic deeds and saviors. This is a story of a desperate man who decides to embrace his own darkness and  admit that the only thing he wants is her.Daenerys is resurrected in the temple of R'lhore in Asshai sentenced to live for the rest of her life in the Shadowlands.Jon decides to escape from beyond the wall and look for Daenerys in the most ancient areas in the world knowing that his escape will bring more blood and wars in Westeros. He knows this blood will be on him but he loves her more than anything. And if she is a monster and a murderer as the world believes then so is he.
Relationships: Jon Snow/Daenerys Targaryen
Comments: 47
Kudos: 74





	1. The dead queen

**Author's Note:**

> I recently came up with this story and I am not that sure for the details but I think I know were it goes.  
> If you are waiting for a hero, selfless Jon then this is not a story for you. I plan for him to be a dark man, willing to do whatever to find Daenerys.The truth is that I write this story because I found too annoying his selflessness and commitment to his duty and family. That's just my opinion though.  
> . Daenerys isn't bad or good either and she will be involved in sorceress and ancient magic. She is also pregnant with Jon's child and this is the reason that R'lhor gave her a second chance.

The first thing she felt was falling from a great height. After some time that she didn't know if it had been moments or hours or days, she landed somewhere hard.She felt an excruciating pain and the feeling that she was choking in a liquid.

'Blood' was the only thought that broke the emptiness of her mind. 'It tastes blood.'

The pain was tearing her apart, she couldn't breathe. She tried to scream but nothing came out of her mouth.'Save me, mercy please’, she wanted to say.

As if someone had listened to her silent plea, she felt hands turning her body on her one side and keeping her there until she emptied the blood that was choking her to the ground. So much blood. Her own blood.

After that, she was able to breathe but still with difficulty. Everything was so painful, she couldn't stand it. Suddenly, she heard a terrible cry like a demon screaming from hell. It took time to realise that it was her own cry.

She felt the cold. It was a frozen wave embracing her whole existence. She was shaking uncontrollably causing more pain to her body as it was continuously hitting forcefully on the hard surface she was lying.

Someone covered her with something warm, wrapped his arms around her to keep her from shaking and hurting herself. It was a warm body, a living one, completely different from her own frozen corpse.

She understood that she had stopped screaming when she heard a soothing voice.

"Calm down your Grace, everything is going to be ok. You are going to feel better soon"

The voice kept talking and she tried to concentrate on the words but she was drifting over and over in a dark state without conscience. Then she saw something. She remembered, it was light but she couldn't see it clear.

'Open your eyes Daenerys', ordered her mind. 'Daenerys, I am Daenerys.' She thought.

Her first attempt was unsuccessful because her eyelids didn't respond, but after some time she opened them. She closed her eyes immediately though as she couldn't stand the light. It was blinding and there were red drops of blood in her eyes as well.

The person who was holding her, wiped her face with a wet cloth and held it upon her closed eyes. When she took the cloth from her face, the voice, a woman as she realised, encouraged her to open her eyes slowly.

It was better now and the light wasn't that intense. The place around her was almost dark except from some torches in the hands of some other women.

She still had blood in her eyes. She felt it rolling from her violet eyes mixed with tears. 'I am crying blood.'

The pain was still there, intense and terrible but her body had overcome the first shock of being alive again. She wiped some droplets of blood from her face and noticed the grayish blue color of her skin. 'A corpse’, she realised in horror. 'I am a walking corpse.'

\- It will take some time but it will turn to the natural colour again. Everything will be as it was before you died, said the woman next to her. Daenerys saw now her face, she was beautiful with dark brown hair and heavy eyelids.

\- Your memories and body functions will also come back. It just needs some time. You are in the temple of R'lhore in Asshai and I am Kinvara. I brought you back in life as the Lord of the Light ordered me.

'So I died', she thought. And why was she brought back? This thing, this kind of existence she was experiencing now was terrible. Death sounded like mercy.

She felt a loud beat from inside her. She put a hand upon her bare chest. There was a deep scar there where the beat was coming from. Her heartbeat. She watched her hand filling with blood.

She raised her stare to Kinvara, shaking desperately.

\- Why?, she asked in a whispering hoarse voice that made her cough.

\- Because the Lord of Light owns you a debt for helping to defeat the Night King and his white walkers. So he decided to allow you to live in his lands and give birth to your child.

\- To..give... birth, she said confused.

\- You need to rest now, Grace, we will heal your body and when you are well enough, we will talk about all these.

........................................

He was lying next to her, watching her flawless face, as she was sleeping peacefully next to him. He caressed her wrist and kissed her shoulder. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and she was his.

Their souls were made for each other as well as their bodies that fitted together as one body.

After they had made love, they talked for hours sharing stories of their childhood some of them funny but most of them sad. Daenerys also had a terrible childhood like him, if not worse. Jon had hugged her that night and told her that all these are over and he would always be next to her.

"And I will always save you from your stupid heroic ideas, such as capturing whites and bringing them to Westeros". She had laughed playfully at that.

Her chest was rising and falling as she breathed. And then it stopped. Jon turned to look at her in panic.

"You lied, ”she whispered crying. "You lied and then you took my life."

"No"screamed Jon as bloody tears filled her face and she opened her violet eyes to look at him with a mixture of anger and sadness.

"Yes, see? I am dead." She pointed to her chest, where his dagger was stabbing her and a stream of blood was running staining the white sheet.

"No Dany, no "he screamed again, panting, and went to grab her body. But he only caught thin air as she turned transparent in front of him.

He woke up screaming and looked around trying to catch his breath. He was in his hut, deep in the North beyond the wall and Daenerys was dead somewhere on the other side of the world, cold and lonely. He couldn't stop shaking and crying.

The fire was still burning in the fireplace lighting the room. He raised from his bed and looked for the flask of wine he was drinking before he fainted.

"I had to do it," he said to himself. "It was the right thing to do. For the realm, for Sansa, for Tyrion, for everyone." He took a huge gulp of the wine in the flask. "For the damn realm and for my damned family" he said with bitterness. This is what honour commands anyway.

He laughed at the thought. Honour! He was neither honourable nor good. He found himself lately to not give a fucking shit if he was good or bad. And it seemed that no one cared either. They all got what they wanted no matter the cost.

He had stopped responding to Sansa's letters. He had no news from Tyrion although he was sure that Bran would be reporting to Tyrion about him. He even had isolated himself from Tormund. Although he always considered him a friend, Jon's dark mood made him snap easily to his wilding friend. Fortunately, Tormund had found a Wilding girl to spend the time with and he seemed sincerely happy the last time Jon saw him.

'And you bastard Jon Snow or Aegon Targaryen the rightful heir to the Iron Throne or whatever you prefer to be. What about you? Did you take what you wanted?' He asked himself.

"I saved the realm and my sisters", he answered loudly to his thoughts. "Isn't this what really matters?"

Suddenly, from a corner of his mind, appeared uninvited a long forgotten memory of a ginger haired girl looking in his eyes and laughing.

"Oh you know nothing Jon Snow."

................................

After a few moments he drifted to sleep again.

This time his dream was strange. He was walking in a silent place. The ground he walked and everything around him was black. It was strange that, although the sun was shining on the sky, the light seemed to be swallowed by the darkness. It was scary and he started to feel uneasy.

He suddenly heard steps behind him. He turned to see a red priestess walking up to him.

"Where am I? Who are you?"he asked, scared. Something inside him made him aware that this was a dream.

"Don't talk loudly", she whispered sternly. "You have to keep dreaming if you want to talk. We can't communicate otherwise because you are being watched everyday. Only here it's safe."

"Talk about what?” Jon asked, nervously looking around. 'Watched? She obviously means the Three Eyed Raven', he thought.

"About the future" she answered enigmatically.


	2. The bleeding river

-Jon was lost in his thoughts the following day. He didn't eat or sleep. He spend the night wondering whether the dream he saw last time was just a dream or a real conversation. 'It can't be,'he thought. But why not? How many impossible things he had seen in his life. Things that everyone used to think were just bedtime stories.

Hadn't he die and came back again? But red priestesses weren't the most trustworthy women in the world. The same one who brought him back to life had sacrificed a child, Sirine Baratheon, in front of her parents cause she thought her father was the prince that was promised.

His memory lingered back at his dream.

In the begin the priestess showed him a house in the North, not far away from his hut. Looking from the window he saw himself some years older than now hugging a dark haired woman with emerald eyes. In her lap there was a baby boy with her eyes and his black hair. His new family.

He examined carefully himself, he was smiling. His face looked way more peaceful than the haunted face he had recently. He was smiling at the baby playfull. He seemed happy. Almost. It was something no one else would notice the person in front of him maybe had found some kind of peace, maybe had made some kind of truce with himself and had adjusted in what life could give him, but a big part of him was dead. He was half. He would love the woman, he would love their child but this wouldn't be enough to make him whole. Nothing would. And Jon realised that his life would always be a miserable existence.

"This is what is going to happen if you choose to stay here.",she told him. "You will have a peaceful, happy life, family, children and almost everything a man would want in his life.And after some decades..."

The scenery changed. He wasn't in the North anymore. This was the city of Kingslanding, rebuilt and full of life again, nothing reminding of the graveyard he saw a moon ago. But the most shocking scene was the next one.

He saw himself much older, with grey hair and dressed in royal clothes with the dragon and the wolf on his chest and a crown upon his head. He was standing next to the woman he had seen in the house in the North, also with a crown on her head and dressed like a queen. Next to them were his two sons and one daughter. The last one silver haired with violet eyes, because gods would love to torment him for the rest of his life.

"People will forget that you killed the dragon queen, they will understand you did it to protect the realm and your family and when king Bran is dead because of his weak body, you will be king. A very good and wise one. You will rule for many year, the realm will know peace and Westeros will be a place full of wealthy people,"

Jon was shocked by what he was watching. But when he came to his senses he felt nausea. This was disgusting. 

"I told her that I didn't want the throne and I meant it," he shouted angry to the priestess."I would never dare ro stand where she stood. Where I killed her."His blood was boiling and he wanted to scream.

"And she told you that it doesn't matter what you want. Some day wanting to be king or not, things would come to this. For the good and the stability of the realm. You would be forced to do it." The priestess' calm voice was making him more angry.

"It does matter what I want... it fucking does."he was screaming but that dumned woman ignored his anger and rurned to the scene.

"Do you see the throne over there?"she said pointing at an Iron throne made to resemble the old one but not so high and magnificent.

"You will never accept to sit on this throne. Because she never did also. You will prefer to stand for hours doing your duty and this will be your tribute to your love."

Jon's starre was again on himself. He was smiling ,talking with his family and a bunch of unknown advisors. For a moment his future self took off his crown and that moment Jon realised how much heavy it weighted on his head.

His eyes although calm, held the same emotion he had seen in the house. The emotion of living with a half soul.

Then he was back to his room.Silent and shaken.

"There is always the choice to escape of course. If you decide it I will help you."

"To go where?"he asked.

The scene changed again to the silent place with the black ground that was drinking the sun. Strange people with faces covered with red masks were walking next to him. The scene changed again and he was in a coast where the sea was red like blood. It was from the scariest places he had ever seen and he had seen too many. Then he was in a field. This scene looked somewhat better than the previous. There were the same black mountains around them but there was sun shining here,actually there was too much heat and the ground was brown. The trees were also a dark green This place still held the same weird atmosphere and the feeling that he shouldn't be there.

"Where is this place?"he asked certain that he had never seen something like this.

"Very deep in the south. In a place where very few people have visited. An ancient and dangerous place."

He was silent for moments looking around him, lost. Yes this place was on the other side of the world. Not a pleasant one but no one would find him there. If he ever achieved to reach there alive.

"Will I make it there?"he asked.

"This is really something I don't know. This place is far away past the city of Quarth and Yi Ti. The chances are against you but you never know.."

And what about Westeros?"he asked now afraid of the answer.

The red priestess' eyes darkened. "When you escape a war will start."Jon heard screams and the scenery changed to a battlefield with thousands of dead bodies around him and rivers of blood. From the smokes he saw far away above the trees, he understood that villages were burnt. This was a scene of doom. He saw Winterfel deserted and direwolves eating human flesh. "Some will believe that Sansa and the Kimg let you escape although you killed queen Daenerys. Others will think they killed you to ensure king Bran's reign." Foreign armies will take advantage of the situation to conquer Westeros. It will take years for the slaughters to stop and peace return to what will remain of Westeros." Jon watched in horror the doom taking place in front of his eyes. "And why do you think I would ever choose this?"he whispered breathless with pained, teary eyes. His heart stopped beating and his body got numb hearing the answer. "Because Daenerys Targaryen is alive."she saud and disappeared. And Jon Snow woke up in his bed feeling like he was chocking.


	3. How we mirror each other

A few days had passed from that night. His dreams had been filled of his moments with Daenerys and his nightmares were haunted by the moment he plunged his dagger to her chest.

"Why Jon?",she would ask him pale as a ghost with blood staining her dress.Her eyes were full of hurt. "I loved you more than anyone. I thought you are my other half"

"I am,"he tried to tell her but she would shake her head with sadness and would disappear.

'Is she truly alive?''he thought and his chest filled with hope.,He wished that she was, he would give his own life for her to be alive. Somewhere far away from here, somewhere she could be happy and loved, away from fucking Westeros. Would he dare to believe she is alive?

He realized that day that he was out of food. He hadn't eat much food but when he felt his stomach ache from hunger, Jon decided to visit the nearby village to buy food. 

These days the weather was warmer in the North and the ground was more fertile providing the Northern villages with much more fruits and vegetables.

He approached a stand where a girl was selling carrots, onions and apples.

She was speaking with a sweet voice to the people who were passing in front of her stand or stood to buy something from her.

When the girl turned to look at Jon, he froze. She was rhe girl from his dream. Curly hairs in the colour of chocolate and emerald green eyes. A small nose with light freckles and red like cherry lips. Not older than seven and ten namedays. She smiled more widely to him and a light filled her eyes.

She took an apple and offered it to him, her warm hand touching his. She was a perfect light sunshine capable to warm even the most cold heart.

"Thank you,"said Jon smiling. He shopped from her stand and when he was reaby to leave she caught his hand.

"You are that guy, Jon that lives in the hut in the forest."

Jon nodded.

"Well it must be very lonely there. If you ever need company you can come to the village tavern. It belongs to my father and I help there some times. I cook the food and people say it's quite good. We have music and dance and tell jokes. You would like it."

Her singing voice was like a melody and her stare was appealing.

"I would like to come some time, thank you."he said.

The girl smiled sweetly, closing her heavy eyelashes.

....................................

Back to his hut Jon filled a cup with ale and sat on his bed thinking. 'This can't be. She is the girl from my dream. Is it possible that I have seen her again in the village and I don't remember?.'

Drinking had been his habit lately. He would drink until he fell unconscious on the bed or worse on the floor, waking up the next day with bruises and a headache. He wished one day he wouldn't wake at all.

. Falling unconscious this time his dream lead him back to Dragonstone the first time he had seen her on her throne. Gods he had never seen more beautiful woman in the world. She was feminine and delicate but also royal and fierce. Her violet eyes were big, charming and held a honesty he had never seen again. They were thirsty for justice but also demanding to get the respect she deserved. 

He remembered the steady,raised but kind voice when he first talked to him. She always made clear that she is the one who had the control. It was the day that Jon amongst his fear and his adoration for the Dragon queen, realised that Daenerys would leave her signature upon him for ever.

And yet he remembered her amazed eyes when they discovered the cave with the dragon glass. The always royal, powerful queen looked like a child that had just discovered a hidden treasure. He had wanted to wrap his arms around her waist and kiss her neck, snell her sweet scent of roses and exotic flowers.

Every time they argued whether Jon was telling her the truth about the whitewalkers and she would demand to bent the knee, he would deny fiercely and she would deny stubbornly to hear whatever he had to say. Her face was usually flushed and her eyes challenging. 'If you achieve to have me. you can have the world.' they were telling him. She would end the argument having the last word and he could barely keep himself from grabbing her and shut her mouth with a kiss, conquering her body, her heart and her whole existance. This was Daenerys Targaryen, a challenge, that was driving him crazy but made him feel alive.

And yet, when she saw the whitewalkers, she accepted to help him before he bent the knee. And then he knew her heart was soft and he loved her more than anything.

Until he amd everyone abandoned her, isolated and betrayed her. They took everything she had and left her an empty shell to sink in her sorrow and madness, kill a whole city and finally, him the one who she loved and trusted more, take her life.

Waking up Jon couldn't stay alone with himself anymore. He left his hut riding his horse to the tavern the girl had told him. Maybe some company, the presence of other people, something would put him out of his misery and numbness. He couldn't stand his own mind anymore, how much more it would take for him to snap anyway. He was far too broken.

..............................................

Daenerys' first days in Asshai were foggy. She would wake up and Kinvara would give her to drink a bitter potion that tasted like sour milk and smelled like death.

"This is for your baby,"said Kinvara, "it will provide the protection and the food he needs unril your body is well enough. It will also give you strength.

This is the first thing she managed to remember. 'I am pregnant, 'she thought'

'I carry a living soul in a body that doesn't feel alive enough.'

She couldn't remember many things. Some memories would appear from nowhere making her worry and the priestess would hive her a small amount of the milk of the poppy, enough to calm her but not harm her baby. It relieved her from the terrible pains of her body.

Faces came to her mind calling her Daenerys. So at least she remembered her name. As the days passed she could name some faces. Missandei, ser Jorah, Khal Drogo, Viserys, Tyrion. Half a moon later she knew she was Daenerys the Stormborn of House Targaryen, she hatched three dragons but only one of them was alive, Drogon. Most of the memories were painful and she would always cry while she was awake.

One night she caught Kinvara's hand after she gave her the awful potion and some food.

"Have I anyone to love me in this world?"she asked desperate with wide eyes amd crying like a scared child.

"You have the lord of light protecting you, us, his servants serving you, you have your dragon and soon you are going to have your baby."

"No family? No friends?"

"No"answered Kinvara and Daenerys spent the whole night crying. At least her tears weren't bloody anymore and sometimes she could feel her body sweating. She was returning to life.

A moon later while she was alone in her room, she felt strong enough to stand.

She hesitant stood and took some steps. The torches and the fireplace were lighting the chamber which she noticed was big with red curtains and golden objects.s

Slowly she examined the place. A table with luxury chairs, a window covered with velvet curtains a table with cosmetics, perfumes, and a brush. A wardrobe with dresses from silk, laces, satin and velvet. It was a room for a queen. For her.

She noticed a big object covered by a red fabric. It looked like a mirror. For days now she wanted to find one. But why was it covered?

With difficulty, using her whole strength she uncovered the golden mirror and stood panting in front of it. 

With terror she discovered why the mirror was covered. Her skin although better than the day she was resurrected, held a grayish green around her mouth and her eyes were red around her pupils. She was still so pale almost transparent. Her silver hair was a mess and in some places she could see her scalp. Her breath had stopped, she was shocked

With shaking hands, she closed her eyes and took off her red robe .Naked in front of the mirror she gathered all her remaining strength and swallowed hard before she opened her eyes. She was thin, very thin, her legs were bruised and pale. Only her belly had grown slightly showing a baby bump. She touched it curious with awe like it was something extraordinary. Her hands traveled to her stomach and then to her chest. She knew there was a scar there, the reason she died. She wasn't ready for how deep and ugly was the fatal injury in her chest. The priestess had done their best but the scar was still too scary. She was shaking uncontrollably. 

Then her hand touched the esge of the scar and then the rest of it.

A memory appeared in her mind hiding the view in front of her. She was in Kingslanding standing in the destroyed throne room. The dark haired man had come to talk to her. How much she loved him, she trusted him, she would give her life for him. She had burnt a city, she didn't remember many things but some memories of burnt people and a smell of burnt flesh caused her nausea and she vomited on the floor. When she raised her head she saw the man in her memory again, hugging her softly and kissing her tenderly. "You are my queen" said the voice she loved to hear more than any other voice. For a moment joy filled her and felt her heart warm with feelings."You will always be my queen" he said and she was swimming in a sea of love. And then a dagger caught her flesh and everything became pain and from the sea of love she was chocking alone in blood.

An unearthly scream filled the corridors and rooms of the temple of R'lhor in Asshai. And the voice of the murdered queen was heard by everyone inside it.

"Dumn you Jon Snow. I curse you to suffer in the seven hells forever."

Full of hate and anger she broke the mirror with her bare hands trying to shake his image from her mind.

Her hands were cut and she was bleeding. She fanted some moments before the priestess ran to her room.

..............................................

Jon had found the girl in the tavern. She was happy when she saw him and sat with him in a corner hidden from the curious eyes.

"My name is Sally", she had told him. They discussed pleasantly for hours, she told him she had heard many things about him. Jon could forget himself for a while. Maybe this was what he needed. To forget. Suddenly they both leaned and kissed in a soft kiss.

Then he heard it. A mirror breaking in pieces and her voice cursing his name to hell. He pulled back like something had hit him and his eyes darkened. Sally noticed his change. "What is it Jon? Haven't you ever felt love?" Jon turned to look at her. He felt a wave of anger and pain crushing his soul. It wasn't Sally's fault but he couldn't help his cruel mood. His fingers traveled to her face softly promising. She smiled. 'How is it possible that I can spend my life with her and not with Daenerys?How can this be right?' "I have,"he said with empty cold eyes."I found my other half, I lived with her and then .... I killed her because she turned mad. And since then. I have no soul and no love for anyone else'' he confessed to the girl that could have been his wife. He was still touching her face caressing her cheeks with his thumb and looking in her eyes. Her smile had mow vanished and tears of rejection ran through her face. "Maybe one day you will find your other half too." He abruptly stood up, threw some coins for the dinner on the table.and left without looking back. He had a long travel to the wall


	4. And the seven kingdoms couldn't fill the hole she left behind

Jon walked towards the side of the wall where the destruction hadn't been fixed yet. It was night and it seemed completely isolated. Carefully, he checked the area for men of the night's watch and northern men. When he didn't see anyone, Jon attempted to cross the wall amongst the fallen pieces of ice.

Then he suddenly heard someone call him. In a small distance three men of the night's watch were approaching him cheerful and half drunk, one of them holding a flask of wine.

"Hey", said one of them thrilled as they came closer." Jon what in hell are you doing here? You were supposed to spend the rest of your days with wilding girls." The lad said friendly." Did you came to visit your Brothers in castle black?"

They didn't seem to think that he was trying to escape. But even if they didn't cause him any problem and left, next morning they would probably tell someone that they had seen him the previous night near the wall. People would start to look for him immediately. Otherwise he was a deserter, days would pass until someone realize that he was missing. Could he really risk to lose his advantage?

" Come with us to have a drink Jon. Your balls will freeze to death outside here." The three of them burst into laughter.

Jon climbed down his horse and joined them. It was a beautiful night. The sky was clear and the wine was quite good. He could stay there forever drinking with his brothers and sharing stories.

A little before dawn, after the fire died, the company had fallen asleep. Jon climbed on his horse and resumed his journey. He made sure that it would take days for the northern men to realize his departure as well as to find the three dead bodies with cut necks, buried under the snow.

He had once sworn to protect his brothers in black. But many things had happened since then. He had learned that people very often don't honor their oaths and they don't care about the innocents. They were all puppets in someone's hands to do as he wants in order to achieve his goal. His goal was Daenerys. And she deserved every black spot in his conscience. 

............................................

Daenerys was sitting silent while the red priestess was cutting her hair until her shoulders.

" They are just hairs your Grace they will grow back quickly." She soothed her.

But it wasn't her hair and her broken body that pained her. It was her damaged soul that wasn't fixable. Her eyes held an empty stare and her face was expressionless.

The Red priestess applied a salve in her wound and before she left, she gave Daenerys a small brown book. " You maybe find it useful your Grace"Kinvara had said. Daenerys examined the book. It contained healing spells and ancient charms that could cure every disease. It was used by the godswives that lived in Asshai and the area near the shadow lands. It was written in High Valyrian the main language in Asshai. Daenerys began practicing on her body. It was quite difficult to work, Daenerys wasn't a priestess or a witch but as she soon realised her blood, the blood of the dragon was magic and powerful. After some days she vanished some of her bruises immediately with a few words and a simple movement of her hand. She soon had vanished them all except the scar in her chest. This would stay upon her. A reminder that she was kissed by death, a kiss that was given to her by her lover. She felt that this connection with death enhanced the magic in her blood.<

"Death is a kiss from a lover's lips'"she whispered.  
Dany walked barefoot to the black ground of Asshai that day. She breathed the air amongst the black trees outside the city. These magic ancient lands were whispering to her ear, stories and soothing words. Sitting on the black ground that was drinking the sunlight and darkened the place, she looked at the dark tall mountains, there , where she knew that the Ash river embraced rhe shadows and farther away the dead city of Stingai stood silent and unreachable to humans for thousands of years.  
She didn't pray to any god. She believed in her own magic blood but not in gods. If gods existed they were vicious deities that had played a twisted game to her and they weren't to trust. She whispered the charms she had read in the book. The ancient language of magic. She slowly began to feel tha magic from the ground uniting with the magic in her blood. She felt the power making her body stronger. She felt her baby moving inside her, getting stronger. She touched her belly. The ritual ended some hours later. She felt her magic blood restored. She felt fresh and her exhaustion was gone.  
Returning to the temple, Kinvara noticed her healthy face amd the straight posture of the dragon queen. Her violet eyes had an unearthly shine in their depths.  
"We were born mortals but the god of light gave us power"she said.to the other priestess. "But Daenerys has magic blood and her power is greater than ours."  
Daenerys decided to visit the huge library hidden inside the temple.. She could study more magic fields. She could find some peace in her newly found power. Maybe one day she could calm her soul. She wouldn't think about him, not yet. There was a book with a black velvet cover. "The art of the shadowbinders" was the title.  
The book was writing about the people who could create shadows ,capable to visit people far away. To watch, haunt or even kill your enemies. She smiled thirsty for revenge. "If I had a shadow I would haunt Tyrion Lannister and Sansa Stark. As for the other...that Jon. He doesn't deserve even my revenge. I won't lay my eyes on him never again".  
...................................  
Jon rode for days. He stopped to the most deserted and hidden places to sleep and eat whatever he found around. Berries, fishes, rabbits, apples. He tried to collect water and food for many days, with every chance he had. He didn't know when he would be able to find provisions again.  
That night his dream was so livid. The city of Kingslanding was being burnt in huge flames. People were screaming and the smell of burnt flesh was invading his nostrils. Trying to help, he noticed that he couldn't get burnt.  
\- You can't get burnt by this fire. This is your fire and these people will die because you left.",behind him Sansa Stark was standing with her silver crown and cold stare, royal as ever.  
\- You could have saved them, you could have the seven kingdoms united in your hands and you could reign the world for a century." Said the dwarf of Casterly Rock coming from another corner.  
He didn't answer. He just watched the flames burning people and buildings.  
\- Go back Jon, "said Sansa again in a pleading tone. "Fulfill your destiny."  
Jon was helpless and couldn't talk anymore. He had tears running through his face.  
"You will be responsible for their death."said Tyrion. "Can you live with this?"  
He was going to answer but he heard Daenerys screaming hurt somewhere. He forgot everything they told him and rushed to her. But Tyrion and Sansa stopped him.  
"How can you live with this Jon?" They said in one voice.  
Jon heard Daenerys screaming again in pain.  
That was enough, he thought angered. He grabbed his sword  
"They aren't my responsibility anymore. You are their rulers. And whatever happens to them you are to blame. This is what YOU caused." and with a swing of his sword he cut their necks and ran to a bleeding, crying Dany lying on the floor.  
"My love", he whispered crying helpless and caressing softly her cheeks as she was looking at him with pain and fear.  
"I am sorry, I am so sorry. You are my own life. And I can't breathe anymore without you."  
She looked at him saddened and full of love.  
Suddenly her lips whispered.  
"Jon you have to wake up. They are coming for you."  
He woke up abruptly hearing horses around him.  
They were four and had trapped him. He knew one of them. He was one of his best soldiers when he was a king in the North. A good and honorable soldier who fought for the living and his king. A honorable Northern man with family.  
"My Lord, you shouldn't have left. The queen is worried and looking for you. Let me escort you back to the wall" The man knew him for a good and honorable person. The king who protected his realm and did everything for them.  
He wasn't prepared for what followed when he approached Jon. His eyes grew in shock when suddenly Jon's sword was piercing his heart. The bleeding man fell to his knees  
"I am sorry Tim, But you shouldn't have found me." Said Jon calm. Getting over their first shock the rest of the soldiers attacked him but Jon was the best of them. He always was one of the best fighters in the seven kingdoms. Soon their cut heads decorated the tree he had slept under. A warning for everyone who would come to find him. They should learn who he is.  
Sansa and Tyrion and Bran couldn't stop him. He couldn't remain here knowing that she maybe is alive somewhere far away in the south. There, in the lands where shadows meet the ashes. Everyday he remembered her eyes, her lips, her touch. He could describe her with every little detail. Now and forever her picture would be in his mind. He only knew that she was everything he wanted.... And the Seven Kingdoms couldn't fill the hole she left behind.


	5. Sharing the same fate

First, she learnt to control her natural element. Fire. After whispering the enchantments that awakened the magic in her blood, she felt a connection with the whole world around her like they were one existence.  
Drogon was there, next to her, feeling also the connection with his mother. Daenerys would need his help in the begin. When she was ready , hearing the ancient voices whispering in her mind, answering to her call, she shouted with a steady, decided voice, "Dracarys" and Drogon breathed a huge wave of fire near his mother. Concentrated and still whispering she touched the flames and with her will she controlled their direction. With the movement of her hand she created a ring of fire around her and stood in the middle. It was like her own body was fire and with every order the fire obeyed her will. She trained for hours and in the end she was able to vanish the flames also with just a movement of her hand. Some days after with her thought only, she set on fire a fallen tree without Drogon breathing fire. She watched it burn and when the fire was about to spread to the rest of the trees she vanished it with her hand.  
Then she felt her baby moving excited inside her.  
"Your mother is here. She is gathering her powers so no one will ever harm you" she whispered softly. This tiny creature inside her was the only thing that restored some hope in her, the only thing that made her feel somewhat human.  
Magic had healed her body completely. She was even more beautiful and ethereal than ever. Her hair had grown long again after some days and were shinning like the moon. She looked serene, her face was calm but inside her there was always a storm of emotions. But now she was more of an introvert, her emotions were becoming magic, not screams, not fierce words. They where powerful whispers that forced the natural elements bend to her will.

Then she learnt to control water. It turned to be more difficult than fire but she eventually did it. The mystical water of the Ash river and the disformed fishes living inside were at her mercy as she stirred the water creating waves or froze the surface to the point she could walk on it. Controlling water made her feel liquid and created a bond between her and the moon.

The earthly element was more stable. She could feel the hardness of the rocks lifting from the ground and the resistance of the flowers and trees as she charmed them to bent their benches. Finally, air gave her a sense of lightness and euphoria as well as a playful mood while blowing the leaves and billowing her own clothes.

There was still one more element thought. One she couldn't reach at her current state. It was the element of soul. The power to feel the intentions and emotions of other people, to read their thoughts, soothe their pain, clear their minds or confuse them But Daenerys Targaryen's own soul was broken and damaged. Her own thoughts and emotions were painful, confused and often blinded by sorrow, hate and rage. And as long as she couldn't control her own soul, she couldn't touch this element and she couldn't feel whole.

Understanding that she was losing her time she decided to turn her attention to the shodowbinding. From the descriptions she read in the book of the shodowbinders, most of them were able to create a shadow of living people or even themselves. But she didn't want just an empty shadow wandering around, she wanted a shadow she could possess fully, a transparent image of her, capable to talk and travel in every side of the world. 

Finally some days after her search began she smiled satisfied. It was almost midnight and the room was half lighted Shocked she watched her shadow, dividing from her, body filling with colours and standing in front of her. It was a perfect resemblance of her. 

Daenerys watched the shadow moving to her will around the room, in an unearthly way. She could move slowly or so quickly that was impossible for a human being. She could vanish immediately or fainting in a slow pace and then appearing next to her or behind her. That was really dark magic. But what was Dany going to do was even darker. 

Whispering the enchantment she closed her eyes and felt the change around her. When she opened them again, her mind was inside the shadow and she wasn't anymore in Asshai. Of course the shadow couldn't feel the change of the temperature but Dany would swear that she felt the Northern cold air chilling her body.

.............................................. ...

Sansa Stark was still discussing with her council. It was late at night but the latest news weren't too good and the queen in the North was sleepless as well as her advisors. Rebellions were spreading all over Westeros like small fires that would eventually unite in one big, burning them all.

Since Jon's sudden and unexpected escape, everything was getting worse and worse. Some of the men she had sent to find him had been found brutally murdered in shocking ways. One day she even received the head of one of them as a threat. This couldn't be Jon, Jon wouldn't betray her, his family, his people. He had proved by killing his lover and queen that he was only faithful to the North and her. Daenerys had been beautiful but Sansa never believed there was love between her and Jon, it was just an infatuation and she had managed to successfully separate them. She would never allow her brother's weakness for the Dragon queen cost her the North. Winterfel was hers by birthright.

But now something strange happened. She had asked help from other lords and ladies of Westeros in order to find Jon but their responses were unexpected. 

Dorne and the Iron islands believed that she and her brother had left Jon escape to mock them and show their power, that house Stark controlled the whole Westeros and they didn't give a shit fot any agreement they had made. Her uncle Edmure was suspecting that she had let Jon leave the wall to lead an army that would take the Twins, the Veil and Riverun in order to assure the Starks were the only powerful house in Westeros. Things would get out of control. The only one who could have made these rumors persuasive is Jon. But why Jon would spread such lies and turn houses against each other? He had no reason except revenge. But revenge for what? Because he is not king anymore, because he had been exiled? For the Targaryen woman? No it couldn't be that. He was the one who stabbed her anyway.

Sansa took a deep breath and demanded to stay alone. As the council lived the room the queen in the North filled a cup of red wine and stood near the fireplace. The door closed, she was alone with her thoughts. 

Suddenly her eyes caught a movement in the opposite corner. Her eyes grew wide, her face got pale and the cup fell to the floor, the drooplets shinning at the fire light and staining her dress like blood. Fire and blood!

\- Y..you, she stepped back trembling as she watched Daenerys shadow staring at her. She was trying to breathe and not fade. "It can't be.... You are dead..."

" Yes. I was, you made sure of that." Daenerys stated calm taking a step towards Sansa who was trying not to scream and now she was supporting herself by the table.

" You are a ghost."Sansa whispered crying. "You came to take revenge, to kill me."

Now Daenerys smiled a wick, triumphant smile.

" I ensure you that I am quite alive Sansa. I was resurrected and i am currently in a place thousands of miles away from here. This is my shadow that I used to find you."

Daenerys shadow sat confident on a chair. 

"Oh and don't worry your Grace, I am not here to kill you. That would be too boring. It seems that things aren't going so well, are they Sansa? I think I am going to stay here, watching you make mistakes, losing everything you have, losing your mind and when everyone will turn against you, I will watch you getting killed by your own people."


	6. Not a chance

Jon lied under a tree deep in the Whispering Wood. From this spot would be impossible to be seen as the there were huge rocks around him.

He had sent some hours before a man blindfolded and tied upon a horse to deliver a message to queen Yara. "Queen Sansa and King Bran have freed Jon Snow and they're planning to wipe from Westeros any lord or lady that would date to question their reign. The Starks are the only rulers of Westeros. Jon Snow personally will lead the armies."

This fake message would be quite believable when the messanger would confirm that it was sent by Jon himself. Who would ever suspect that the poor bastard of Winterfel would turn against his brother and sister. After all. he killed his queen to save them. 

If Sansa loved to plot and turn people against each other she should be paid with the same coin. She maybe learn to appreciate him after this.

Tired of traveling day and night while trying to escape the patrols Sansa and Tyrion had sent to bring him back he closed his eyes wishing to see Daenerys in his dreams.

She was there in front of him, beautiful and royal as ever standing in the throne room in Kingslanding.

"I love you Jon", she said kissing him softly "more than anything in the world. "

He wrapped his arms around her waist and felt her warm soft body upon his own. His hands caressed her cheeks. If there was heaven, she was his own.

"I love you too Dany. I will always protect you."

Daenerys eyes filled with tears. She stepped back shaking her head in denial.

"No you won't," she said with a broken voice . "You killed him, you didn't protect our son."

Jon's eyes went wide a dreadful thought crossed his mind.

"Our..." then horrified noticed that Daenerys was bleeding, stabbed with his dagger tearing her ribs. She fell to her knees, sobbing. 

On the floor next to her, there was a tiny bundle. He approached as she was mourning loudly above the bundle. Numb and with dread he saw a new born baby, tiny, with an innocent face, his fragile body covered in blood. The baby didn't move, didn't breathe It was dead.

Listening Daenerys unearthly wail he keelt next to her shaking and crying unable to say a single word 

"He was your son. You killed him inside my body. Why? What has he ever done to you?"she asked sad and sacred.

"No," whispered Jon."No" he said again, this time screaming."This is no true."

He said in denial. But he knew it He knew it was true.

...........................................

Even though she had sworn, she wouldn't look for him, Daenerys' seeked him, sensing his presence in the dark wood where the trees his the sun. She found him screaming, lost in a terrible nightmare. 'Good' she thought with satisfaction. 'I wish the worst nightmares haunt him say and night. She sat on a rock opposite the sleeping man. He suddenly screamed louder and woke up sweating and breathless, tears running from his eyes. "Dany DANYYY," he screamed desperate. "Do I haunt your dreams Jon Snow? Your nightmares? " He turned his head shocked noticing her for the first time. "Dany."he repeated unable to believe she was there She kept looking at him expressionless and calm. He stood up and run to her but she vanished immediately, slipping from his hands like thin air. "You can't catch me Jon." She laughed sarcastically behind him. He turned slowly to face her. " You are a ghost?" He said terrified with shaking voice. " I was told you were alive." He said losing any emotion from his voice and his eyes looked dead. He had been told Daenerys is alive if this was a lie he didn't really have a reason to live anymore Not after discovering that she is the only person worthy of his love. "I am." She said calm "Somewhere far away from here. Somewhere you and your traitorous family can't hurt me. This is only a shadow I created.* Jon although relieved hearing she was alive felt broken to his knees. "Forgive me Dany, please. I know I don't deserve it but I am only an idiot man. Losing you, I lost my life, my breath. I was ready to follow you in death before I learnt you are alive again." "You are not a fool Jon" she said disgusted as he was kneeling before her. "You are a traitor. You betrayed everything that is worthy. Love, loyalty. Everything" "I want to find you Dany. I left the wall to look for you all over the world. I betrayed my family." " Oh you shouldn't have If we ever meet again I will kill you Jon Snow." She said with a threatening low voice Her eyes were a vengeful violet fire. Jon was silent for a moment and Daenerys would vanish if he didn't stop her with a question. Remembering his nightmare Jon couldn't help to ask although dreading the answer. "Dany I know you hate me and I shouldn't ask but ..... but I had a nightmare and I need to be sure it isn't true....." Daenerys turned her back to him waiting for his question to decide if she would answer. "When I...the day I k..k.." he began unable to voice what he did to her. "When you killed me."she said abruptly. "Yes"he said resigned." When I killed you with my dagger. We're you pregnant?" Daenerys turned instantly surprised. 'How did he know?' "I saw a nightmare and it felt so real. Please tell me this is not true...I beg you." She stood silent for a moment undecided if she should tell the truth. 'He must know what he did, he must know he is his child 'a murderer.' "Yes" Dany swallowed hard struggling to keep her tears from rolling on her face. "I was" Jon raised his eyes and looked at her face. He seemed unable to process what he was listening. "And...the child....our baby....is it also back to life?" No she wouldn't let him lay his hands on the child she was carrying. Her baby was hers and only. Weakly she looked deep into his eyes. Her state was numb, empty. "Are you asking me about the child you killedJon?Oh yes you have the excuse you didn't know about his existence. Well let me take this weight from you. Maybe you will feel better knowing that at least you were successful in at least this murder. Our baby didn't have the chance to live. You ripped his little heart apart when you killed me. How could he possible have survived this? There is no child for the murderer and traitor. He didn't come back with me." Jon covered his ears with his hands unable to believe what he was listening. Raining his eyes he realised that Daenerys had left. "No. .. "He looked desperate in every direction. He had to find her. Screaming her name, half mad he began running through the Whispering wood to unknown direction.


	7. Then, burn them all

Merry Christmas to everyone!!! Sorry i didn't update earlier but i was working so many hours a day that i could barely find time to eat and sleep.At last i am on holidays and i have free time. Enjoy the chqpter and don't forget to comment and leave kudos. The chapter is edited because i wanted to add some thtings.

The last thing he remembered was the dark waves of the sea hitting the rocks as he was standing on the edge of the high cliff. The sea was calling him, death was calling him. There will be peace, he thought. " But you don't deserve peace," said another voice inside his head. A voice sounding like Deanery's. No i don't, he thought. I killed my woman and my unborn child, unprotected inside his mother's womb. He remembered the strong steps behind him, horses, many horses and men. He didn't have time to see who they are. One moment he was standing before the endless sea and the other he was tied and blindfolded, fallen helpless on the ground. And then pain, so much pain! They were kicking and punching him. His head was bleeding, his left hand was broken and he must have some broken ribs. He remembered a sharp pain on his right cheek, a knife cutting his flesh and people laughing as he screamed. "That's what you take for being a disgusting abomination of traitor." said a hard voice full of hate, a familiar voice he couldn't bring himself to identify in his pain and confusion. And then darkness. When he found his senses, he felt excruciating pain. His whole body was in pain. He wondered for a moment if he was in hell. Someone was talking next to him but he couldn't listen. A liquid was poured inside his mouth, a bitter thing that brought him back in the peaceful darkness. After this he woke a few more times, every which of them someone was pouring the bitter liquid in his mouth. ' Milk of the poppy', he realized finally. As the doses were reduced he was more and more aware of the environment around him. He knew he was inside a tent and he had heard the man with the familiar voice asking another man about his condition. ' They captured me,' he thought. 'They will sent me back to the North or to Kingslanding for a public execution. That's why they are treating me. To ensure that everyone is going to witness what happens when someone disobey the king of the six kingdoms and the queen in the North.' He felt panic rising in his chest. Not about death, he wasn't afraid of death. He was afraid he wouldn't see Daenerys again. He wanted to see her ever if she hated him, even if she killed him, he would only die by her hands, saying the words he should have said, his only truth. " i love you." Suddenly he was screaming painfully. "No, let me go to her! Let me see her!" He tried to open his eyes and stand up but a man held him down. He tried to fight him but he was so weak that he couldn't free himself of him. "You fucking bastard" he screamed spitting on his face. "Hold your tongue Jon Snow or i 'll cut it. I may need you alive but your tongue isn't necessary." The familiar voice again. Jon opened his eyes as much as he could to see the man's face. He was socket. He had expected to see Northermen or soldiers who had fought on his side but he never expected to see again the man in front of him. He had never expected to see again Greyworm. .................................... Jon was now tied on his bed. He saw two Dothrakies were guarding his tent. It couldn't be true. He saw them all leaving. Unsullied sailed for Naath and most of the Dothrakies had left Westeros to return to their lands in Vaes Dothraki. But here they are hidden in a deep forest. How many were there? He heard a lot of sound. Maybe this is all my imagination, thought Jon. Maybe i have finally gone mad like my Targaryen ancestors. "Targaryen", he thought with bitterness. This is just a name, why did i have to reveal this to Daenerys, to my sisters, to anyone who knew. What does it really matter anyway? I should have left it as it is and in case Bran or Sam tried to reveal the truth, i should have denied it. But of course! My whole life i wanted to be someone, to have a name. I hated being a bastard. And now i got a name. No, not just a name, the strongest name in whole Westeros and with it i sealed my demise. How much of an idiot i was? Between being the king of the Seven Kingdoms, having lost Daenerys or living with her forever as a bastard, he would choose Daenerys. He would always choose Daenerys. Some people he had met during his travel, had said that Daenerys was mad, a monster just like her dragon. Others said she was the most beautiful and powerful woman in the world. But Jon was always laughing at these words. Because he was the only one who knew her. He was late but he had finally realised what she was. She was breathtaking! Unpredictable like a fire. She could be merciful, kind and soft like a child, but she could be dangerous and murderous when she is sad or angry. And yes, maybe she was mad indeed. But he realized finally that he didn't care and that maybe all these were exactly the reasons he loved her. This revelation brought him relief. It was the truth that set him free. At this thought, he furiously pulled his chains trying to break them, they couldn't hold him away from her. When Greyworm entered the tent and found him trying to free himself, he broke into laughter. "Unchain him" he ordered the Dothraki guards

Finaly free , Jon tried to stand up but he found himself on the ground causing the laughter of the goards and Greyworm.  
"Are you trying to go somewhere bastard? He asked.  
Jon was now furious. THe Dothraki guards tried to help him stand up but he refused and stood yp by himself to collapse on the bed.  
" What do you want from me?" He hissed."You were supposed to be gone."  
"And you were supposed to be beyond the wall."said Greyworm. "But here we are. Both of us. You know why i am here."  
He knows she is alive, thought Jon.but what does he want from me.  
"I would have killed you here and now traitor, maybe i will when i don't need you anymore. But the Res Woman said that Khaleesi is alive and only you can lead us to her. Our queen, the only one true queen is alive and we have to find her. We are her army and we failed her. We left her alone to your traitoroys hands to kill her. You fucking bastard...."Greyworm was angry and grabbed him by his shirt." You are the worst traitor i know... not only for betraying your queen ....you had a woman who loved you and you killed her.... This Snow... is the biggest sin." Grayworm had his face threatening, near to Jon's. He was angry but behind this Jon could see it... Pain and sadness.  
Now he could see another truth that wasn't there before. Things he had foolishly missed.in his dreams for honour and duty. People weren't black and they weren't white other. Even when they have the best intentions and a soft heart..., there is always a breaking point. Greyworm's had been Missandei. His, Daenerys. And maybe both were now hating their existence, what they have become. But what is done, is done and can't change.  
With all his remaining strength, he freed himself from Greyworm's hands.  
"Why to help you when you have treated me like this?"At these words he touched the scar on his cheek, this would mare his face for ever.  
"Because i will deliver you to Sansa Stark."  
"And then you are never going to find your queen."said Jon.  
"Oh i will Snow... Believe me i will if i have to travel the whole world. "  
"Even with me to lead you,you will probably have to... She is far away."  
"Great then, we don't have time to lose." said Greyworm. "Take us to her."  
"You said you have an army", said Jon."How many?"  
"Almost everyone who survived in Kingslanding, Usullied, Dothraki."  
Jon thought for a moment. This was a chance, a chance to do what he promised to himself. What he must do if he really love Daenerys..  
"Then the road goes from Kingslanding. I want the city sucked. Lead the simple people out of the city and kill anyone who blocks your way to the Red Keep. Kill everyone in the castle. Except the king and the Imp....they are mine."  
" And what if we don't make it to the castle? their army will fight us, maybe the king escape."  
Bran of course will know he is coming...he knows everything doesn't he?.. He could have saved them so much pain... but he didn't. I am the villain now...but not the only one....  
Furiously he stood up and grabbed a torch from a Dothraki's hand.  
"Then...burn them all."


End file.
